Blue Flower

An account of His Grace

We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony
I believe God placed this prayer in my inmost being when He knew me before I was conceived: 
Father in Jesus Christ,
I want to live in the reality of Your Presence,
In sweet conversation with You,
Safe in Your Love   

Being born in India after its independence was not my chosen timing.
The Creator chose me to be, in His Love.
Being born late in my parent’s life and raised on a large ‘Methodist mission’ was not my choice. 
The Creator chose me to be, in His Mercy.
Being grand-daughter of an evangelist who walked through the mountain villages of India, preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ, was not my choice. 
The Creator chose me to be, in His Grace.

The Methodist missionaries handed over to my mother, the mission’s work of providing an education and a hostel for young children from the poorest families in villages of India. As a mother, I am both humbled and appalled that parents left their children at a tender age, trusting they would be loved and safe; comforted that they would have daily meals.

His Grace...
I was learning about God’s love at my mother’s side, watching her work late nights and through early hours of morning... seeking ways of providing for the children.  In a land where so many are in want, I was blessed with sufficiency.  I was learning about God’s love on an open fertile land; singing about Jesus while playing in vegetables gardens, corn fields and fruit trees irrigated by a bore well where children gathered on hot summer days. There was a constant flow of happenings; comings and goings; meal times and conversations with house-guests from many countries. Conversations were often about church and children, their families, their teachers, their sponsors. I was learning to be attuned to the many issues related to the well-being of young children. My heart was being made sensitive and tender towards their needs

Sadly, beyond this world there was another world.  There were sights, sounds and stories of anger and violence; verbal, physical and sexual abuse; sickness and death; stealing and lies amongst the many that lived on the mission compound with their families. Further beyond the compound wall there was war and recurrent religious riots that filtered in through windows covered with black paper and broke into the long evenings of watchful silence. Stories of innocent children suffering impossible things, trickled down into the trenches dug for safety when the sirens shattered the silence. 

Often forgotten in a household of visionaries busy with the governance of care, education and safety of many children, I had fear filled questions.  I was safe in my mother’s presence, in her songs and smiles; in her hopes and trust. Beyond her presence, I was alone and unsafe.  My mother loved me but she could not bring peace to the world beyond... she could not ensure safety. 

My Father in Heaven watched and…my father on earth planted a garden.
I grew up in this garden and learned very early to talk and listen to the Creator of the beautiful things I saw all around me…flowers everywhere, grass fields, the dazzling blue expanse above me, the symphony of eagles gliding high above me, the breeze that made everything dance, the rain on tender rose petals and birds sitting on delicate blades of grass and new born babies of people and other living things. 

I also asked Him why little children suffered and I believe I heard Him say gently, that the innocent children were the world’s conscience.  If innocent children could suffer in our societies it showed us that something was very wrong with our way.   Yes, I believe God talked with a young child, watching over her, whispering to all in Heaven and on Earth:  ‘Nothing will separate her from My love in Christ Jesus.’  He did not fail me when at 12 I fasted for a week to know Him. The memory of the sweetness and joy of His Presence abides in me. 

God’s Grace was sufficient for me…

Yet, by 14 harmful ‘friends’ and sinful wanderings separated me from my Friend. But ‘He watches over you... He will not slumber...’   He led me to a Billy Graham meeting.   Drawing me to Himself in unwavering faithfulness with a simple song:  ‘Just as I am without one plea, but that Your blood was shed for me…’ My garden Friend met me again as my Redeemer and Saviour.   

Yet again, by 16, I was deeply troubled by the violence and suffering of innocent children and almost gave up on life. My redeemer did not let go. ‘Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death; I fear no evil, for You are with me ’.  I did not die.

I lived with a passionate search for knowledge and understanding, with desperate cries for merciful wisdom, discoveries of great Grace and deep despair at my repeated failure to ‘live in the reality of His Presence, in sweet conversation with Him, because with sightless pride, I kept bringing every gift He gave me, back to adorn my idols of myself.  He did not forsake me through these stubborn years of limping through the wilderness of myself... 

He carried me with Amazing Grace…
I met a man I could love and married with the hope that a companion would calm my despair and fears.  I was in error.  I was looking for my own way out of the wilderness.  My first child was beautiful and whole.  My second child was born with disabilities.  My heart had ached for children for so many years.  I now lived daily with a child I could not bring to birth in wholeness.   My utter inability to protect one child brought me to my knees many, many, many, times…
Great Grace is upon me…
Hungry for wholeness... spirit, soul and body, I asked God to let me come face to face with persons who live in His Presence as the first disciples lived.  He is tender in His love. He brought me to not one but several!  He has let me see, hear and be touched by His disciples living in the world today who speak not merely of His power, but first of His Love.

I am learning that the love I have carried in my heart for young children is my fear and pain for a little girl who grew up in a garden.  I am learning to love all over again.  But first, I am learning simply to be loved by my Father.    I am learning that I can hear Him again if I hold still and listen for His words of forgiveness, victory, peace, love and provision. 

As I work with and counsel parents struggling with young children, the urgent message God gives me for them remains the same: 
I have loved you with an Everlasting Love.
Believe Me… and My love will flow through you to your children and your children’s children…         

This is the Word of my Testimony:  God’s Grace.
His great, great, Grace abounding towards me; He will not let me go. This is how I am learning Jesus Christ. My prayer has changed: Father in Jesus Christ, I want to live in the reality of Your Presence, in Sweet Communion with You, immersed in Your Grace and overflowing with Your Love.   
At the beginning of this year, feeling exhausted by having to travel long distances, I prayed:
Father, it is always so hard to go, would You please bring one of these closer to where I live?
I heard that He is sending Randy Clarke…to the little town where I live... only 20 minutes driving time away!  I can hardly wait!   My Father has a way for me.

I have also longed to see and meet Heidi Baker.  I believe she has plans to travel this way.
I am hopeful.   His Grace… beyond all I can ask or imagine!